| A fool and his money make excellent golfing companions |
| A golf match is a test of your skill against your opponent's sheer dumb luc |
| Always limp with the same leg for the whole round |
| Counting on your opponent to inform you when he breaks a rule is like expecting him to make fun of his own haircut |
| Don't needle your partner |
| Don't talk in your own backswing |
| Golfers who claim they never cheat also lie |
| Good golf manners require you to help a competitor search for a lost ball, but nothing says you have to find it |
| Good sportsmanship is as essential to the game of golf as good penmanship is to stock car racing |
| If your opponent hasn't played the course before, don't be a spoilsport and ruin all the surprises |
| If you're the only one who improves your lie, it's cheating; if you all improve your lies, it's a reasonable allowance for unfair playing conditions |
| In any best-ball match, the smaller the significance of your partner's putt, the greater the probability that he will sink it |
| It's surprisingly easy to hole a 50-foot putt when you lie 10 |
| Never leave your opponent with the sole responsibility for thinking of all the things that might go wrong with his shot |
| Never play anyone for money who carries a 1-iron, has a tattoo, doesn't wear a glove, and can bounce a ball off the face of a sand wedge more than ten times in a row |
| Never play with anyone who would question an 8 |
| Never subtract so many strokes on any one hole that you wind up with the honor on the next tee |
| Never take a check from anyone who uses a bag tag as I.D. |
| Taking more than two strokes to get down on a lightning-fast, steeply sloped green is no embarrassment unless you had to hit a wedge between the putts |
| The lower the stakes in any match, the more outrageous the behavior of the competitors |
| The putt for all the marbles will be on a green they just sprayed with something that makes you dizzy |
| The score a player reports on any hole should always be regarded as his opening offer |
| The statute of limitations on forgotten strokes is one hole |
| There is no such thing as a friendly wager |
| Whenever there is money riding on a hole, someone will appear riding on a mower |
| You can hear a clap of thunder from a hundred miles away when you're three holes down with three to play |
