| All change is for the worse, except for underwear. |
| All current problems can be traced to previous solutions. |
| Anything that can go right, will go way, way right. |
| Anything that can go wrong will wait to go wrong until after you leave the practice tee. |
| Anything works for three holes. |
| Everyone would like to get much better at golf, but they'll settle for you playing a whole lot worse. |
| Hit the do-over first. |
| If it ain't broke, don't fiddle with your grip. |
| If you address the ball for more than twenty seconds its not a waggle, it's a seizure. |
| If you can keep your head when the wheels come off, you need a new head. |
| It's often necessary to hit a second drive to really appreciate the first one. |
| No matter how badly you're playing, you can always play worse. |
| Tennis would be as difficult as golf if you only got one serve, six love was par, you had to wait ten minutes between points, you often lost a dozen balls in a single set and every now and then you needed to hit a backhand out of a tree. |
| The game of golf is 90% mental and 10% mental |
| The only thing of actual value that you can take from the driving range to the first tee is a pocketful of range balls. |
| The only time you play absolutely flawless golf is when you are doing everything in your power to lose to your boss. |
| The reason golf is so popular is that it gives people cooped up in the office all week and chance to lie and cheat outdoors. |
| The reason so many golfers take up fly fishing is that the motion of casting with the rod is easily mastered by anyone who ever threw a club. |
| The reason you do so well at the driving range is because it's really not that hard to hit the horizon in regulation. |
| The stages of a golfers game are sudden collapse, radical change, complete frustration, slow improvement, brief mastery and sudden collapse. |
| There are no little problems. |
| There are no minor adjustments. |
| There are no tiny pieces of advice. |
| To hit a really awful shot in golf, mere incompetence is not enough. You really need an audience. |
| What worked yesterday won't work today. |
| Whatever you think you're doing wrong is the one thing you're doing right. |
