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Golfing truths, sayings and cliches

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A golf gift given to you at Christmas by a non-golfer is always unsuitable.

A vacuum is the space between your ears that becomes entirely void of matter once you set foot on the course.

After 36 holes in broiling heat, there are never any clean towels for a shower. And the bar has just closed.

All forms of wildlife on a golf course are there for the express purpose of putting you off.