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Learning
to play golf
Me wife says to
me one day "Ain't it about time you learned to play this golf thing that all
the other husbands are playin'?"
So I go next door and ask my neighbor "Can you teach me to play golf?"
He: "Sure. Have you got some balls and a club?"
Me: "?.....of course. Why?"
He: "Well bring'em to the club house tomorrow and we'll Tee-off."
Me: "Tee-off? Whats this Tee-off?"
He: "Oh, its just a golf term and we'll Tee-off right next to the clubhouse."
Me: "Look, you Tee-off where ever you want to but I'll Tee-off in private if
you don't mind."
He: "(chuckle) No no, a Tee's that little thing about the size of your little
finger."
Me: (them damn women been talk'n again)
He: "Look, the first thing you do is stick your Tee in the ground and put your
ball on top of it."
Me: "Oh, this is sit down game?"
He: "No, you're standing up when you put your ball on the Tee."
Me: "Isn't that strechin' things a bit far?"
He: "No. You got a bag to go along with your balls'n clubs?"
Me: "?.....of course. Why?"
He: "Zippered bag or velcro?"
Me: "?...........neither."
He: "Oh, well how do you hold your club?"
Me: "Two fingers."
He: "No, no. That's not right. Look, let me get around behind you like this.
Now spread your feet apart a bit. Bend over a bit. Now I'll put my arms around
you and show you how to swing."
Me: "Damn man, I spent six years in the Navy and I know what you got on your
mind."
He: "O.K., look, you take your club and swing it over your shoulder..."
Me: "No, no, that's my brother Jimmy you're thinking' of."
He: ". . . and you hit your ball with it and it'll soar and soar."
Me: "I can well believe that."
He: "Then when your on the green . . ."
Me: "What's the green thing?"
He: "Ah, thats where the hole is."
Me: "You color blind?"
He: "No, why?"
He: "...anyway, when you get there, you take your putter..."
Me: "Whats a putter?"
He: "The smallest club made"
M: (DAMN that woman, just can't keep her mouth shut).
He: "...and with it you put the ball in the hole."
Me: "You mean the putter?"
He: "No, the ball, the hole isn't big enough for the ball and the putter."
Me: "Well - that's when I knew he didn't know what he was talkin' about, because
I've seen holes big enough for a horse-n-wagon."
He: "Then after the first hole, you go on to the next 17."
Me: "I quit. Takes me 18 days to make one hole. Besides, how would I know when
I'm in the 18th one?"
He: "Why, the holes got a flag in it."
Me: "Sheeez!"
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