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Mind your language
An Australian touring round Britain was playing on a small course in Devonshire. He was on the first green and about to putt when he was suddenly beset by a flock of seagulls.
"Piss off, will ya'," he cried, thrashing at the birds.
A sweet little old lady who was sitting knitting near the green came over to speak to him.
"Excuse me," she said. "There's no need to speak to the little birdies like that. All you need to say is `Shoo shoo little birdies!' Then they'll piss off."
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